Psychological Escape

I look in the mirror and I notice that I am not the same person I once was,
But a mere facade of the past times
I seem to be running away from myself, while constantly changing places
My past life and the present one, all unwinnable races
My pain fills the empty spaces as I’m assailed by the horror of a thousand dead blank faces.
All my life I’ve had to shut the ears to my soul
In order to prevent this monster from establishing its roots within this topsoil and,
Infest and manifest itself in my world with the blackness of its oil
The pain is so intense it’s wrapped around me like a barbwire coil.
I do not only change places, I change races
My past life and the present life were all spent in never ending mazes
The twists and the turns and the dead endings, were meant to confuse the self I’m running away from and kill its nerve endings

So I throw myself down the stair case of my life and hope I’ll find the ending
But all I find is the painful landing
The bruises and the broken bones signify the pending ending.
I cannot allow my soul and spirit to converse
Lest the monster joins in and attempts to reverse my progress with its vile curse
My universe is black and lifeless, and for the moment that’s how I’ll have it, for it can only get worse
So I keep running from it instead of running in order to escape it...my problems

I am Not a writer but

I'm not a writer, I'm a language revolutionist.
If speaking the truth is wrong then call me an opportunist.
I assemble together characters letters and words.
Communicating with you through your relaxed spirit, pleasing ears and curious eyes, so call me an illusionist
I'm not a writer, I just have a lot of feelings pent up inside.
Of guilt, sorrow, anger and sometimes pride.
And as I go through my day abiding upon life,
I obtain satisfaction just by bleeding on a canvas.
So I let it be known, give me a notepad and pen
As I let my thoughts flow freely

I'm not a writer, I just have a gift that I try and share with world,
attempting to touch either many, or one.
If one person got something from my art, then my work is done.
I represent heartbreak and triumph, while conveying pain and strife.
So don't have me confused with someone that writes as an occupation.
Because writing is my life.

Is the Dream Still Deferred?

Langston Hughes pondered: what happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Some say that dreams are for nerds
But they are people whose dreams haven't been heard
Whose dreams have only been deterred by the pressures of pleasing others
Whose dreams haven't been seen which allowed them to let it fester like a sore
But, if I want to dream, then let me set a adrift in my dream
Let me be

I am trying to even the score
Do something with myself and try to form a rapport with some of those who come after me and even before
As I try and utilize my versatility that my relatives have instilled upon me
I drift off to my dreams to see my grandfather's silhouette in the forefront
It hasnt even been a year since
My grandfather passed and for a while I was depressed
Because I have been blessed to obtain his gift of putting words together in such a way that it can cause harmony in a world filled of discords
So when he left....I lost it..
But I had to bounce back and release the pressure
I grabbed my poetry book off the dresser and began scribing my thoughts because I didn't want to see my aspiration fester
If the world doesn't take my gift for what it is I will go down as a fighting man, picking myself up by the bootstraps refusing to surrender

Dr. King once said a mind is a terrible thing to waste
Like this dream it's mine and I refuse to let his words become the dichotomy of my being
Dr. King helped catalyze a movement when some racists from the south tried to paralyze it
Jesse said "I want freedom. Please don't stop me. I may be young, but I am somebody. I
I may be young but i'm in it for the struggle, the hunger, the people
We're eradicating hunger, and failure, and evil
No there's no disguising what my eyes have seen
I've seen fiends lose weight and southern racists lose hate
Nothing good ever happens when we lose faith

Staring through my brown eyes
One can see that at the pinnacle of my dream, success is the prize
However we are in a society in which success is JUST characterized by how fat your wallet is, and NOT the steps you took to get there
This money and this fame is abducting our soul
Cars, Clothes, and Women are now the main goal, as their true dreams now sag like a heavy load
We still got our eyes on the gold, but it's so hard to keep our lives in control because we swapped our whips and chains....for whips...and chains, in order to retain some self efficacy.
Avarice thoughts often come to mind, but I don't want to resort to conforming like everyone else just to get ahead
Mark what I said, I seen both sides, the other side is just as bad
If I told you I was a saint, then I would be dreaming
But realize that all that is glittery isn't gold just because it's gleaming

Some may hate at the way I am determining my fate, but why?
The people who are making this world worse do not take a day off, why should I?
So I remain kind, even though this dog-eat-dog world continues to be heartless
Because one small lamp can still illuminate worlds of darkness

Using God as an excuse

So, When did God become an excuse for doing what you want? Anyone who's worked in ministry or pays attention to news about people and religion know what I mean by this statement. It seems a lot in the past few years that people in religious leadership or people in general like to use God as an excuse to do whatever they want. They say things like "We're going to do this b/c we prayed about it," or something like " This s what God wants." These statements have been used to rationalize some of the most horrible things in history. I saw a news article recently talking about a so called "pastor" who thought it was ok for a father to marry his adolescent daughter because it was part of their religion. Holy Crap, what's up with that? How can God be used to say this is ok? Because God's become the excuse. Recently I was told by a "friend" that God told her that we shouldn't contact each other....did God really tell you that, or is that what YOU want, but you don't want to say that is what you want and you use God as a scapegoat?

How can we stop this flagrant misuse of a Holy God? It's called accountability. This kind of thing occurs in places where we give one person way to much authority. When did God ever put a single person up on a pedestal? He didn't! The only person He ever gave major authority was Himself in human form, known as Jesus Christ. If the leadership was accountable to people who walk with God daily, then less little problems like this will arise. Where people stop, think, and talk, ideas outside that of God's word start to become evident.

PLEASE for the love of God, stop using God as an excuse. Why do we feel the need to say that God has said something that you know He didn't? I think it's because no one can argue. The people that say these things know that God isn't going to just come down and confront you in public over the stupid thing you just said that He said. It's only an amount of time before you'll have to answer for what you've said. In this life or the next you'll answer for it.

Start actually praying, looking for God's leading, and do that. Regardless of what God's leading is, do that! You've got to be ready to do thing you don't want to if you're going to do God's will. It's not always the easy thing, but it's always the right thing. The right thing also isn't always what we want. Remember that the next time you're going to want to do something just because it's convenient or want to get rid of someone because you're jealous. Remember that it may not be what God wants just because you want it. I am obedient towards my God, but I can separate when I make my own decisions

What God wants is perfect. Why do we think that just because we want it that God will in turn want it as well? How selfish our sin must be.