Psychological Escape

I look in the mirror and I notice that I am not the same person I once was,
But a mere facade of the past times
I seem to be running away from myself, while constantly changing places
My past life and the present one, all unwinnable races
My pain fills the empty spaces as I’m assailed by the horror of a thousand dead blank faces.
All my life I’ve had to shut the ears to my soul
In order to prevent this monster from establishing its roots within this topsoil and,
Infest and manifest itself in my world with the blackness of its oil
The pain is so intense it’s wrapped around me like a barbwire coil.
I do not only change places, I change races
My past life and the present life were all spent in never ending mazes
The twists and the turns and the dead endings, were meant to confuse the self I’m running away from and kill its nerve endings

So I throw myself down the stair case of my life and hope I’ll find the ending
But all I find is the painful landing
The bruises and the broken bones signify the pending ending.
I cannot allow my soul and spirit to converse
Lest the monster joins in and attempts to reverse my progress with its vile curse
My universe is black and lifeless, and for the moment that’s how I’ll have it, for it can only get worse
So I keep running from it instead of running in order to escape it...my problems