Fatherhood...

Fathers- so many here, but so many missing
As I question the existence of this life and where it is taking me,
I think about my father, and how he wasn't here faithfully.
I won't use hate...as a matter of fact...yea, I hate that nigga
But I figure that I'm bigger than that so
I'll oppose the negative synergies as my feelings saturate like paint thinner.
You left me when I was 3, and never seen my potential
I screamed that I hated you!
At the top of my lungs, but
Mom said that hate is a strong word so
I guess I just really don't like you
And when she's not around the thing that I hate most about you is that I'm scared
That imma end up just like YOU.

Why?
Why do I not want to be you?
You are a pompous snake who,
Never took the time to actually get to know your son and unravel
All the gifts that he possesses
Who left a precious seed to fend for himself
Like a hungry vagabond who continues to blindly travel.

And by the time I will meet you, you will say
Bye whenever I finally get to say hi
And unconsciously my inside cries,
But yet my face remains dry
Because I will not let you see my emotion
Because you have filled me with cold veins as
Your life is now in vain but
No matter how successful I become it will never erase the pain
Of you being absent.

A lot of fathers are farther than families
A lot are farther than fathers are meant to be
But,in all realness some are actually fathers, while some are just "daddys"
But...I thank you, because thanks to your "efforts"
I know what I do not want to be
I WILL be there for my kids
Unlike you who wasn't there for me
And the sad reality is, you KNOW where I reside
...I guess you looking me in the face and staring at my eyes would affect your pride
Because on the inside you actually realize that the man I am today,
Has NOTHING to do with what you did, and more so of what you didn't do for me
And while my feelings and my knowledge for you starts to diminish
I realize that you do not possess qualities of a true man because
You started something....that you couldn't finish.