Destiny and Chaos Collide

There is constantly an option to make
When two paths amalgamate and life takes a break
For a split second, all possessions are one
As destiny and chaos collide once more

When two paths amalgamate and life takes a break
No one will presage to you that it is already too late
To change the path you have taken
As destiny and chaos collide once more

For a split second, all things are one
In that moment, you realize God will not be outdone
This place and time will no longer exist
As destiny and chaos collide once more

No one will warn you it is already too late
The first man and woman preserved your fate
Nothing can stop what was meant to be
As destiny and chaos collide once more

To change the path you have taken
The original spirit must reawaken
To be forsaken was never part of the master plan
As destiny and chaos collide once more

In that moment, you realize God will not be outdone
By now you apprehend that life is not a dry run
No second chances are cast iron
As destiny and chaos collide once more

This place and time will no longer exist
And mankind is summarily dismissed
For failing to exercise discipline and reproof
As destiny and chaos collide once more

The first man and woman sealed your fate
The choice is no longer yours to make
What you do now is fruit of the poisonous tree
As destiny and chaos collide once more

Nothing can stop what was meant to be
Two paths have merged into life’s potpourri
The world is filled with to much hate
As destiny and chaos collide once more

The original spirit must reawaken
Or those waiting for the ecstasy will not be taken
It will all be for not in the end
As destiny and chaos collide once more

To be forsaken was never part of the master plan
The time has come to take a stand
What you do now repeats the past of long ago
As destiny and chaos collide once more

By now you realize that life is not a dry run
What has been will always return
As it was in ancient times, so it will be
As destiny and chaos collide once more

No second chances are guaranteed
No end in sight, no need to proceed
Since all you know will be forgotten
As destiny and chaos collide once more

And mankind is summarily dismissed
Because he labors for vanity
His soul adrift in a sea of confusion
As destiny and chaos collide once more

My Struggle

I’m here to tell you guys a story. As a matter of fact it is more of a testimony.
About a time when the devil stole my joy.
When my muscles were too frail to smile
But I had to much pride to frown
This is my struggle

Picture a child whose third birthday is today.
One would think that this would be a happy time in a child’s life
However, this child is crying because his father ran out on him without saying good bye

Now picture this same child, nine years later watching TV as if it was a normal day…and then getting taken away from his mother, along with his 2 brothers in a blink of an eye…


Everyone has a struggle, a burden in their life, a time when you know everything was not right.
However this explains the first 14 years of my life.
But let me go backwards to go forward.
You see, I never knew who my father was,
He was never there
because he was a person, who tried to figure that he could plant his seed and run,
who lost out on a precious stone, leaving my Mom to take care of me on her own.
I never had the Christmas, Birthdays, or Easters that I wanted and I felt disowned.
Sure I got clothes and toys, but there was one thing missing,
a male figure who I can lean on, go to for advice and emulate my life on
Sure my Mom was here, but it wouldn’t be the same
We couldn't really throw around a football, play basketball, and play games,
I assumed he was ashamed
But Mom had other things to take care of, it was her duty, it was her STRUGGLE, to try and take care of me and my little brother Anthony.
One year my junior, and suffering from Cerebral Palsy, he was my idol.
Cuz he fights and fights everyday, cant talk can’t see, but we know he communicates. It was my Mom and I who raised him…..

Now let me take you to the time where in essence my life was thought to be over.
The struggle that my Mom faced was a burden on her physically, and mentally.
She now resorted to one thing, the white powder.
She would feed us good, then send us to bed, get the mirror and straw and take some to the head.
All when I was crying, because at 12 I knew what it was, but I didn’t know of how capable it was into changing my life.
I remember it like it was yesterday the exact date and time.
October 22, 1999 at 8:46pm forever changed my life. This night was the downfall of my life’s parabola that still had no apex. It started out as a normal Thursday night. I was watching “Smackdown” like I did every week, but little did I know that my life would be altered within the first hour of this two hour program.
My brothers and I were taken away from our mother,
Placed in a brown van and away to a foster home.
Who knew a normal day would turn out like this.
Words can’t explain how I felt when the woman knocked on the door, said those 13 words. Those words had me on the floor, saying why God why?. However there was a reason.

My two brothers, Anthony, then 11 and Kevin, then 2 were placed in foster care.
My youngest brother and me stayed with each other, while my younger brother was put in a clinic for disabled people.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FELT WITHIN THIS DURATION,

I wasn’t in any state of elation, as I endured constant frustration, because I knew that I could do something, but I didn’t know where I could start
Me and Kevin were placed in the house of a woman with a scar on her face who went by the name Maria.
She was a short portly woman who had a walk like a sick penguin She was nice and warm so I felt safe…little did I know I was dead wrong…

She treated us like slaves making us clean while they ate in their splendor. Eating cold food and sending us to school hungry, our stomachs growling.
I was a smart boy, and I knew that once a month, me and my brother would both receive checks, to spend on whatever we want.
However I never saw it benefit us, but benefit them.
My brother and me would receive Payless shoes,
While everyone in the family received Jordans.
They bought themselves clothes, and gave us hand-me-downs.
On Christmas they got toys and gifts, and we received the same excuse, “I had no more money” I thought to myself “ Why, Lord…why am I put through this. ME, your disciple, who said that they will stand by your side
God replied “All in due time son all in due time”

While in this time I decided not to drown my sorrows, but do something about it.
I’ve decided to get back at them the best way I could,
Which was by taking care of my brother and I myself, I wasn’t aware of the cards I was dealt….So I started dealing
Every night past my curfew I would steal the keys to the house and go sling…
Stay on a corner and see how much money people bring for these small bags with green in them
Risking my life every night....but for what I thought was a purpose
Now I was able to take care of my brother, but everyone in the family started to get suspicious,
They never found out however because I did something most weed sellers don’t.
I excelled in school…
Ranked third in my junior high school class..
I told the world to kiss my ass…because I did it without the help of those who turned their back on me

Three days after I graduated from junior high, God really came through for me.
My mom finally cleaned up her act, and took us back…which I was very elated.
Currently my Mom is 9 years clean.
Her mind is lean, and she now has a corporate job
she is my queen, because she stuck with it and persevered.
This taught me a lot, u never know what u had until its gone , and never take nothing for granted….For nothing is enchanted…..everything ranging from young to old….all that glitters is not gold….

I’ve been out through so much, and it has made me tough, teaching me how to be a diamond in the rough without the shine.
But the shine was always there I just had to do different things.
I’m not sorry for what I did
I did what I had to do.
When times were down and I was out I used what I had.

Now I can honestly say that I am blessed,
I’m in a state where nothing can bring me down
I am able to keep my head up all year round
I’m in college, not at the street corner
Going to class not jail
Carrying my books not paraphernalia
In organizations, NOT gangs
I proved to not be a failure, through the eyes of those who believe in me
So to everyone lost in his or her struggles, God has not forgotten you.
It is amazing how far praying can go
When God closes, a door He opens a window,
He has closed the door of one chapter of my life, and has now opened a window
This window is the window of opportunity
He has allowed me to live my life as I was supposed to live it.
God has gotten me through the trials and tribulations in my life….
Through the hoops of fire and the strife
Soon I can tell the world, the kids, and my future wife of my STRUGGLE.

Tribulations

He screamed at her…
While the look in her eyes was something of complete fear and
She backed away from his path slowly while his rage ensued
All the while he was getting mad and,
Flipping over the couch, because she was late preparing his food.
All that passes in her mind was,
Her girlfriends constantly telling her to watch his temper but
She was so deep in love; she thought she would get past all of that until…

He hit her…
With a closed fist and enough force that,
It caused her to be taken aback and
Remind her of the times of the fights between her mom and dad
How she would hide in the back room crying and screaming
Because mom also thought that he was the best friend she ever had…
Now she lies with a crimson fist print in her face and a single tear in her eye
Never in her life she thought that he would do this to her
She recalls the time when they met and
Him claiming that he is not like other guys
And now, pools of remorse stream down her eyes
As she wonders where she went wrong…
All of sudden, he charges her, wringing his hands around her neck and ripping her clothes off her body until…

He rapes her…
And while she is kicking and screaming and no one hears her
He continues to unleash his rage and
So it seems as if the relationship has unraveled and has come of age
The last petal has finally fell from the rose that,
really didn’t have any roots to begin with
So she screams and screams and she punches and kicks until…

She gets away…
Out the door and down the steps, screaming, hoping that someone hears her cry,
However since the neighbors are used to the screaming of this “couple”
This time they turn a blind eye.
So she runs, not only for her safety, but also out of her mind.
And during every step, and every stride that she makes,
It only angers him, thinking to himself that she is making a big mistake.
And as she cuts the corner, thinking that she is finally free from his tyrannical grasp…

He catches her…
And she starts screaming and trying to escape
However he tells her to stop…
And stares at her….
And to her surprise, the same look of anger is not in his eyes,
But this time, it is a look of docility,
And this look has the ability
To give her the stability and support that she needed.
Because after all of her beckons for help
Someone made sure that it was heeded.
So he took her to safety, to refuge so that,
Her life can no longer in shambles due to the mental recluse and
She can move on to better beginnings….

And as I conclude, let me say that
A relationship, is a close special bond where,
Man and woman intertwine
Where the synergies of their world are truly divine.
So, when it is being tested, think about
How it has changed from its original ideology
And know when to leave when it evolves into tyranny.