I’m here to tell you guys a story. As a matter of fact it is more of a testimony.
About a time when the devil stole my joy.
When my muscles were too frail to smile
But I had to much pride to frown
This is my struggle
Picture a child whose third birthday is today.
One would think that this would be a happy time in a child’s life
However, this child is crying because his father ran out on him without saying good bye
Now picture this same child, nine years later watching TV as if it was a normal day…and then getting taken away from his mother, along with his 2 brothers in a blink of an eye…
Everyone has a struggle, a burden in their life, a time when you know everything was not right.
However this explains the first 14 years of my life.
But let me go backwards to go forward.
You see, I never knew who my father was,
He was never there
because he was a person, who tried to figure that he could plant his seed and run,
who lost out on a precious stone, leaving my Mom to take care of me on her own.
I never had the Christmas, Birthdays, or Easters that I wanted and I felt disowned.
Sure I got clothes and toys, but there was one thing missing,
a male figure who I can lean on, go to for advice and emulate my life on
Sure my Mom was here, but it wouldn’t be the same
We couldn't really throw around a football, play basketball, and play games,
I assumed he was ashamed
But Mom had other things to take care of, it was her duty, it was her STRUGGLE, to try and take care of me and my little brother Anthony.
One year my junior, and suffering from Cerebral Palsy, he was my idol.
Cuz he fights and fights everyday, cant talk can’t see, but we know he communicates. It was my Mom and I who raised him…..
Now let me take you to the time where in essence my life was thought to be over.
The struggle that my Mom faced was a burden on her physically, and mentally.
She now resorted to one thing, the white powder.
She would feed us good, then send us to bed, get the mirror and straw and take some to the head.
All when I was crying, because at 12 I knew what it was, but I didn’t know of how capable it was into changing my life.
I remember it like it was yesterday the exact date and time.
October 22, 1999 at 8:46pm forever changed my life. This night was the downfall of my life’s parabola that still had no apex. It started out as a normal Thursday night. I was watching “Smackdown” like I did every week, but little did I know that my life would be altered within the first hour of this two hour program.
My brothers and I were taken away from our mother,
Placed in a brown van and away to a foster home.
Who knew a normal day would turn out like this.
Words can’t explain how I felt when the woman knocked on the door, said those 13 words. Those words had me on the floor, saying why God why?. However there was a reason.
My two brothers, Anthony, then 11 and Kevin, then 2 were placed in foster care.
My youngest brother and me stayed with each other, while my younger brother was put in a clinic for disabled people.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FELT WITHIN THIS DURATION,
About a time when the devil stole my joy.
When my muscles were too frail to smile
But I had to much pride to frown
This is my struggle
Picture a child whose third birthday is today.
One would think that this would be a happy time in a child’s life
However, this child is crying because his father ran out on him without saying good bye
Now picture this same child, nine years later watching TV as if it was a normal day…and then getting taken away from his mother, along with his 2 brothers in a blink of an eye…
Everyone has a struggle, a burden in their life, a time when you know everything was not right.
However this explains the first 14 years of my life.
But let me go backwards to go forward.
You see, I never knew who my father was,
He was never there
because he was a person, who tried to figure that he could plant his seed and run,
who lost out on a precious stone, leaving my Mom to take care of me on her own.
I never had the Christmas, Birthdays, or Easters that I wanted and I felt disowned.
Sure I got clothes and toys, but there was one thing missing,
a male figure who I can lean on, go to for advice and emulate my life on
Sure my Mom was here, but it wouldn’t be the same
We couldn't really throw around a football, play basketball, and play games,
I assumed he was ashamed
But Mom had other things to take care of, it was her duty, it was her STRUGGLE, to try and take care of me and my little brother Anthony.
One year my junior, and suffering from Cerebral Palsy, he was my idol.
Cuz he fights and fights everyday, cant talk can’t see, but we know he communicates. It was my Mom and I who raised him…..
Now let me take you to the time where in essence my life was thought to be over.
The struggle that my Mom faced was a burden on her physically, and mentally.
She now resorted to one thing, the white powder.
She would feed us good, then send us to bed, get the mirror and straw and take some to the head.
All when I was crying, because at 12 I knew what it was, but I didn’t know of how capable it was into changing my life.
I remember it like it was yesterday the exact date and time.
October 22, 1999 at 8:46pm forever changed my life. This night was the downfall of my life’s parabola that still had no apex. It started out as a normal Thursday night. I was watching “Smackdown” like I did every week, but little did I know that my life would be altered within the first hour of this two hour program.
My brothers and I were taken away from our mother,
Placed in a brown van and away to a foster home.
Who knew a normal day would turn out like this.
Words can’t explain how I felt when the woman knocked on the door, said those 13 words. Those words had me on the floor, saying why God why?. However there was a reason.
My two brothers, Anthony, then 11 and Kevin, then 2 were placed in foster care.
My youngest brother and me stayed with each other, while my younger brother was put in a clinic for disabled people.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FELT WITHIN THIS DURATION,
I wasn’t in any state of elation, as I endured constant frustration, because I knew that I could do something, but I didn’t know where I could start
Me and Kevin were placed in the house of a woman with a scar on her face who went by the name Maria.
She was a short portly woman who had a walk like a sick penguin She was nice and warm so I felt safe…little did I know I was dead wrong…
She treated us like slaves making us clean while they ate in their splendor. Eating cold food and sending us to school hungry, our stomachs growling.
I was a smart boy, and I knew that once a month, me and my brother would both receive checks, to spend on whatever we want.
However I never saw it benefit us, but benefit them.
My brother and me would receive Payless shoes,
While everyone in the family received Jordans.
They bought themselves clothes, and gave us hand-me-downs.
On Christmas they got toys and gifts, and we received the same excuse, “I had no more money” I thought to myself “ Why, Lord…why am I put through this. ME, your disciple, who said that they will stand by your side
God replied “All in due time son all in due time”
While in this time I decided not to drown my sorrows, but do something about it.
I’ve decided to get back at them the best way I could,
Which was by taking care of my brother and I myself, I wasn’t aware of the cards I was dealt….So I started dealing
Every night past my curfew I would steal the keys to the house and go sling…
Stay on a corner and see how much money people bring for these small bags with green in them
Risking my life every night....but for what I thought was a purpose
Now I was able to take care of my brother, but everyone in the family started to get suspicious,
They never found out however because I did something most weed sellers don’t.
I excelled in school…
Ranked third in my junior high school class..
I told the world to kiss my ass…because I did it without the help of those who turned their back on me
Three days after I graduated from junior high, God really came through for me.
My mom finally cleaned up her act, and took us back…which I was very elated.
Currently my Mom is 9 years clean.
Her mind is lean, and she now has a corporate job
she is my queen, because she stuck with it and persevered.
This taught me a lot, u never know what u had until its gone , and never take nothing for granted….For nothing is enchanted…..everything ranging from young to old….all that glitters is not gold….
I’ve been out through so much, and it has made me tough, teaching me how to be a diamond in the rough without the shine.
But the shine was always there I just had to do different things.
I’m not sorry for what I did
I did what I had to do.
When times were down and I was out I used what I had.
Now I can honestly say that I am blessed,
I’m in a state where nothing can bring me down
I am able to keep my head up all year round
I’m in college, not at the street corner
Going to class not jail
Carrying my books not paraphernalia
In organizations, NOT gangs
I proved to not be a failure, through the eyes of those who believe in me
So to everyone lost in his or her struggles, God has not forgotten you.
It is amazing how far praying can go
When God closes, a door He opens a window,
He has closed the door of one chapter of my life, and has now opened a window
This window is the window of opportunity
He has allowed me to live my life as I was supposed to live it.
God has gotten me through the trials and tribulations in my life….
Through the hoops of fire and the strife
Soon I can tell the world, the kids, and my future wife of my STRUGGLE.
Me and Kevin were placed in the house of a woman with a scar on her face who went by the name Maria.
She was a short portly woman who had a walk like a sick penguin She was nice and warm so I felt safe…little did I know I was dead wrong…
She treated us like slaves making us clean while they ate in their splendor. Eating cold food and sending us to school hungry, our stomachs growling.
I was a smart boy, and I knew that once a month, me and my brother would both receive checks, to spend on whatever we want.
However I never saw it benefit us, but benefit them.
My brother and me would receive Payless shoes,
While everyone in the family received Jordans.
They bought themselves clothes, and gave us hand-me-downs.
On Christmas they got toys and gifts, and we received the same excuse, “I had no more money” I thought to myself “ Why, Lord…why am I put through this. ME, your disciple, who said that they will stand by your side
God replied “All in due time son all in due time”
While in this time I decided not to drown my sorrows, but do something about it.
I’ve decided to get back at them the best way I could,
Which was by taking care of my brother and I myself, I wasn’t aware of the cards I was dealt….So I started dealing
Every night past my curfew I would steal the keys to the house and go sling…
Stay on a corner and see how much money people bring for these small bags with green in them
Risking my life every night....but for what I thought was a purpose
Now I was able to take care of my brother, but everyone in the family started to get suspicious,
They never found out however because I did something most weed sellers don’t.
I excelled in school…
Ranked third in my junior high school class..
I told the world to kiss my ass…because I did it without the help of those who turned their back on me
Three days after I graduated from junior high, God really came through for me.
My mom finally cleaned up her act, and took us back…which I was very elated.
Currently my Mom is 9 years clean.
Her mind is lean, and she now has a corporate job
she is my queen, because she stuck with it and persevered.
This taught me a lot, u never know what u had until its gone , and never take nothing for granted….For nothing is enchanted…..everything ranging from young to old….all that glitters is not gold….
I’ve been out through so much, and it has made me tough, teaching me how to be a diamond in the rough without the shine.
But the shine was always there I just had to do different things.
I’m not sorry for what I did
I did what I had to do.
When times were down and I was out I used what I had.
Now I can honestly say that I am blessed,
I’m in a state where nothing can bring me down
I am able to keep my head up all year round
I’m in college, not at the street corner
Going to class not jail
Carrying my books not paraphernalia
In organizations, NOT gangs
I proved to not be a failure, through the eyes of those who believe in me
So to everyone lost in his or her struggles, God has not forgotten you.
It is amazing how far praying can go
When God closes, a door He opens a window,
He has closed the door of one chapter of my life, and has now opened a window
This window is the window of opportunity
He has allowed me to live my life as I was supposed to live it.
God has gotten me through the trials and tribulations in my life….
Through the hoops of fire and the strife
Soon I can tell the world, the kids, and my future wife of my STRUGGLE.
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