Untitled

I lay
With constant thoughts
Of missed opportunity
And as I think about it I
Digress

Tunnel of Vision

A light dimly shines,
Illuminating the past yet
Still keeping futures bright

insomnia - a haiku

4 a.m.I watch
From my room the broken street light
Finally fade out

My Pursuit

Mmm…Mmm…MMM….DAMN she is fine!!

Once again she crosses my path and my mind and
My heart swells up with the feelings that
Only I and God know
So as I see her walk on by I
Wallow away in the distance and
Thoughts begin to cross my mind of
How it might be if we were together

I think of drifting away with her alone with,
Only us and the elements as our audience
I think of holding her petite body
And as I smell her aromatic fragrance
I clutch to her like women clutch handbags
I think of our bodies intertwining and
The sound of her breathing and moaning as our soundtrack

Then I think about the long nights I spend just
Enriched in conversation while looking into those stunning eyes and
To no surprise I realize she may be the one


Na …she’s more than just a pretty face and smile
Not poison but a hypnotic serum
That is potent enough to send my mind into a frenzy in an instant and
Have me tripping over my words like an infant

I start to wonder of the reasons why I feel this way.
Is it because I know that I can be the Nubian King to her Queen
Or is it her lips, her hips or her attitude that
Seem to keep me transfixed as if I need a fix
To quell the addiction that I can’t fix

So I sit here…
And ponder to myself that
Maybe I should introduce myself or
Make it known that I exist
I can see it now…
Today will be the day that,
I sweep her off her feet like
Prince Charming did to Snow White or
Dad did to Mom or
She did to me…
Yea I know….she doesn’t know yet so
It’s up to me to break the ice with
A toothpick as my only weapon
And her beauty as my motivation

I want to take it one step at a time but
The first step is like walking on glass barefoot
So I take one gulp and make my move in her direction, slowly so
She doesn’t notice I have been watching her every move and
I can start it off with small talk to
Chip away at the ice.

How’s my breath… cool.

I start to approach and say hi but...

Damn…..there she goes.

So I think about her...and think about her

Come to find out that,

She is a beautiful soul that

Isn't appreciated by her man at home

So I decide to write to her to provide an prologue to the novel of our relationship

But...Sometimes I feel as if,
I cannot thoroughly describe my thoughts as I scribe on this pallet
As if her looks and personality doesn't already speak volumes.

Her looks and her attitude create perfect harmony, and its those aesthetic synergies that have me yearning for her attention.

And sometimes I feel as if she should've been mine.
As if in another life its me she is holding passionately, instead of him.

The image is so vivid I feel as if it had already occurred.
One by one, three matches are lit in the night
The first to see her face
The second to see her eyes
The last to see her lips
I caress her body from head to toe tip
So when its dark all around, I can remember it all
While holding her in my arms.
I want to be the subject to her predicate, the yin to her yang, the reason why she sings.

And sometimes I wonder why...
Why is she subject to the insecurities
And all the abnormalities that the relationship entails.
And I wish that I can tell her that I can be her knight in shining armor while
releasing her from those troublesome burdens that exists from someone who thinks that "she's too good for me"

And sometimes I wish that I can look into those pools of remorse and transform them into oceans of realization as she sketches a portrait within my heart.
But I realize from the start that I'm wanting something that I cannot have, but I feel that I can have anything I want if I give up the belief that I can't.

Sometimes,
I feel as if she feels the same way.
As if day to day she wonders how it wouldve been if she said no to him and yes to me...

The Intentional Absence of the Patriarch

Fathers- so many here, but so many missing
As I question the existence of this life and where it is taking me,
I think about my father, and how he wasn't here faithfully.
I won't use hate...as a matter of fact...yea, I hate that nigga
But I figure that I'm bigger than that so
I'll oppose the negative synergies as my feelings saturate like paint thinner.
You left me when I was 3, and never seen my potential
I screamed that I hated you!
At the top of my lungs, but
Mom said that hate is a strong word so
I guess I just really don't like you
And when she's not around the thing that I hate most about you is that I'm scared
That imma end up just like YOU.

Why?
Why do I not want to be you?
You are a pompous snake who,
Never took the time to actually get to know your son and unravel
All the gifts that he possesses
Who left a precious seed to fend for himself
Like a hungry vagabond who continues to blindly travel.

And by the time I will meet you, you will say
Bye whenever I finally get to say hi
And unconsciously my inside cries,
But yet my face remains dry
Because I will not let you see my emotion
Because you have filled me with cold veins as
Your life is now in vain but
No matter how successful I become it will never erase the pain
Of you being absent.

A lot of fathers are farther than families
A lot are farther than fathers are meant to be
But,in all realness some are actually fathers, while some are just "daddys"
But...I thank you, because thanks to your "efforts"
I know what I do not want to be
I WILL be there for my kids
Unlike you who wasn't there for me
And the sad reality is, you KNOW where I reside
...I guess you looking me in the face and staring at my eyes would affect your pride
Because on the inside you actually realize that the man I am today,
Has NOTHING to do with what you did, and more so of what you didn't do for me
And while my feelings and my knowledge for you starts to diminish
I realize that you do not possess qualities of a true man because
You started something....that you couldn't finish.

I've Got to be Me

I suffer too much for just being me,

I have an infatuation with being real

So, that is why I pay such an awful fee.

Being frank and honest may never

promote me ahead,

But I possess great peace of mind when

resting upon my bed.



I dislike throwing rocks and hiding in my

hands

Or faking a smile to meet the approval

of man.

Phony folks are so numerous and real

people are so rare

And whenever you act yourself, you get

the heat of the world's stare.



This dog-eat-dog affair is a game that the

whole world plays

While the good morals of our society are

buried under decay.

So go on my brothers, my sisters

And become what the world would have

you to be,

For I have already signed life's comfort,

I've got to be me

A Heart Never Forgets

A memory that is deeply burned within, scorched
Leaving a permanent mark from a heartfelt second long ago
A moment...one single moment, that only a heart can remember
A fleeting thought, gone astray, but the feeling will forever loom inside you
A man and a woman...so far apart, so long the days
That it took their hearts to remind them..
How fortunate they are, that a heart can return a fleeting thought
One single moment, or a memory, Burned within
So that they can now live together as one
As only inside true love,can such a past remain
Until...it is found again

The Frightening Truth

Is it a frightening truth
To utter I may have established attraction for you..
To declare I desire you..
To pronounce that;
I might mean everything for you
the way you do for me?

Is it a frightening truth
To help me truly apprehend;
Whether I have affected you
The way you have affected me?
Whether I am the right one for you
The way you are for me?

And whether the dissimilarities and disparities
I feel toward life and everything in it
Is also felt by you…

Is it a frightening truth
To let me discern;
Whether the nights
Are long and sleepless for you
The way they are for me?
And whether your day is incomplete
Without me...the way my day is;
Without you

Is it a frightening truth
To make me sentient;
Whether I have ornamented your life
The way you ornamented mine?
You domineered mine
You mastered mine?

Is it a frightening truth
That there are no tribulations we can't solve in the experiment of love
That if our feelings were multiple choice

The right answer would be "all of the above", and
Is it a frightening truth
To explain that you're the response to all my questions
That together we are the perfect score,
Because you complete me

Is it a frightening truth?

That although we both have history, and want to take it slow

So that we are not paying for the mistakes of the past

Of being left in the snow…and not letting it go

That at this moment this just feels right,

Spending those sleepless nights with you, just holding you tight

As you send me the constant reminder that

You might be the one, if not creating the blueprint to

The one that I aspire

Tell me my dear;
Is it a frightening truth
To explain that mysterious reassurance
In your blissful voice,
That unfathomable gaze
In your moonlit eyes,
Or that beautiful smile
On your face when you see mine?

Day after day
And
Week after week

The sands in this hourglass in this thing

We call life passes and
My mind is still wondering..
Is it a frightening truth?

Try and Try Again

I have always seen life for what it really is.
Ever since I was a child growing up, hard times are all that I know.
But I can honestly say that my trials and tribulations made the person who I am today.

I had to sit back and watch my mother work from sunset to sundown.
I had to sit back and watch my mother work herself to the bone.
Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of us.

Nothing ever came easy for her.
She always had a heart and kept a smile on her face.
But through a womans disgrace we knew that she was hurting...
But as the saying goes....so is life

Life is like a newborn baby struggling to come out of its mother’s womb,
life is a struggle true enough, but after all the struggling you have done,
and after all the hell you have been through, there is success.
Life is nothing but a big struggle, but just keep the faith and focus on your goals.

Don’t let life beat you or you will be walking around like zombies, lifeless with no direction.
Under your discretion you must, keep on pushing, keep on trying, life can be whatever you make it to be.
I took my life experiences and made them a part of me.

But life can also be that pie in the sky, rags to riches cinderella story.
I say this again; life is what you make of it.

You can achieve or conquer anything it throws at you,
you can’t quit or give up, you have got to keep on working,

Focus on progress with this process, because after all, the definition of insanity is trying to do the same thing, expecting a outcome.

Life is like a game of chess that almost always ends up in a stalemate.
Never let the king falter...

look higher some way, some how you are going to make it.

Control

Every man desires to control
To control events –to satisfy his yearnings,
To control disaster from free patrol,
To control his neighbor to satisfy his earning,
Even when his neighbor won’t enroll.

Be the man good or evil,
His countenance drops when his desire trails,
His thoughts breed threats of the devil,
His heart travails,
Frustration strikes the anvil.

His whims and caprices flare like hell,
Our weak neighbors succumb to it.
Our strong neighbors resist to hell,
Our indifferent neighbors never mind it,
Chaos hit us, making us yell.

Every man has the right to be free,
Free from positive control,
Free from negative control spree,
Free to make positive choices,
Advice,diplomacy can stop those negative voices

Sometimes

So I think about her...and think about her

Come to find out that,
She is a beautiful soul that
Isn't appreciated by her man at home
So I decide to write to her to provide an prologue to the novel of our
relationship

But...Sometimes I feel as if,
I cannot thoroughly describe my thoughts as I scribe on this pallet
As if her looks and personality doesn't already speak volumes.
Her looks and her attitude create perfect harmony, and its those
aesthetic synergies that have me yearning for her attention.

And sometimes I feel as if she should've been mine.
As if in another life its me she is holding passionately, instead of him.
The image is so vivid I feel as if it had already occurred.
One by one, three matches are lit in the night
The first to see her face
The second to see her eyes
The last to see her lips
I caress her body from head to toe tip
So when its dark all around, I can remember it all
While holding her in my arms.
I want to be the subject to her predicate, the yin to her yang, the
reason why she sings.

And sometimes I wonder why...
Why is she subject to the insecurities
And all the abnormalities that the relationship entails.
And I wish that I can tell her that I can be her knight in shining armor while
releasing her from those troublesome burdens that exists from someone
who thinks that "she's too good for me"

And sometimes I wish that I can look into those pools of remorse and
transform them into oceans of realization as she sketches a portrait
within my heart.
But I realize from the start that I'm wanting something that I cannot
have, but I feel that I can have anything I want if I give up the
belief that I can't.

Sometimes,
I feel as if she feels the same way.
As if day to day she wonders how it would've been if she said no to him
and yes to me...

The Sexual Encounter

…She knows that she is looking good

And as she walks past me I slowly approach her.

Removing her clothes with my eyes and planning my next move

As if it were already prearranged.

Because I don't think that she is ready for the calisthenic activity

in which we are about to engage.

So...we meet in the center like two warriors ready for battle

And I whisper in your ear,

Sweet things that make you weak,

those pleasurable nothings that makes you lick your lips while you don't speak about the future climax that you seek.

So our lips introduce themselves to one another, in such a way that

causes serene bliss while,

Thoughts of the best case formulate because we both do not know what to expect.

So I make the first move and,

Guide my lips and tongue to that spot on your neck

That aligns your earth and makes the rivers begin to flow

Creating that “we are not in Kansas anymore”, type of show and

Creates that happiness of the first winters snow and

You finally realize that all systems are go….

So you remove your dress, and as I

Look at the body in which you have blessed with and

My eyes seem to be transfixed and obsessed with your every move and

The bequest that I request that we suggest becomes more vibrant and

I confess that I would detest anything that would hinder this moment

So as we reach the rated r version of this diversion, my tongue and lips yearn to finish its excursion

So it travels further down your body,

My hands roam freely like the autumn leaves in the calm wind and

Down to your breasts, giving each sibling ample time so it,

Doesn’t feel as if one is neglected and so that both can pass a appropriate inspection while you just lay there, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

And my tongue begins to further its voyage, down to your waist as your panties start to shed

And I realize that now my manhood starts to ascend while

Your body starts to comprehend this feeling.

I decide to take a sample from your spring, while my tongue discovers every labia and

While it is the best thing I’ve ever tasted I can hear her whispering, telling me to enter,

So my manhood becomes intertwined with her womanhood and

The room spins as we become taken aback from this feeling so much that even the walls begin to sweat as they should

We don’t need any music because the sound of our breathing and her moaning create enough ambience as it would.

And as I go faster and faster, she asks for me to go deeper.

The temperature starts to rise as though

The tempo slowly reaches the rhythm of a crescendo

And we both know it as the veins in my neck and the whites of her eyes start to show

As we switch positions, you begin to hastily moan as I realize that I have found that spot and

The muscles in my leg are telling me to stop but I am going to continue to go until I feel your thighs…..lock….

So as I am making her bed and her world rock and

As we experience the fictional shell shock, our

bodies are playing in tune to similar harmonies

As we play cadences of our African American history

We both realize that this moment was at moment in the making, thus solving

The secrets to her mystery as she is passionately kisses me

And as if it were synchronized in a flash in time I feel her climax as I culminate and release while

She squeezes the mattress crease, screams in the pillow and clenches her teeth

And at that point of time we wanted time to bring to a standstill as I am laying beneath

And so we lay…Her chest stuck to mine as

We gaze into each other’s eyes as we realize that what had occurred was something more than sex

And with every reflex… we reflect as

The moon of dusk has now becomes dawn as the sweat is pouring off of our backs as I realize that

Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics

In which polar opposite charges attract.

Sex in multiple haikus

Moist with the deep thought,

wet with the touch,
As strangers become lovers

With an intense gaze
You smell as sweet as spring
Flower blooms tonight

lets start with a kiss
then let it build into more
As our bodies interlock

a dream
sweaty, breathing hard
…eyes wide shut

Tribulations

He screamed at her…
While the look in her eyes was something of complete fear and
She backed away from his path slowly while his rage ensued
All the while he was getting mad and,
Flipping over the couch, because she was late preparing his food.
All that passes in her mind was,
Her girlfriends constantly telling her to watch his temper but
She was so deep in love; she thought she would get past all of that until…

He hit her…
With a closed fist and enough force that,
It caused her to be taken aback and
Remind her of the times of the fights between her mom and dad
How she would hide in the back room crying and screaming
Because mom also thought that he was the best friend she ever had…
Now she lies with a crimson fist print in her face and a single tear in her eye
Never in her life she thought that he would do this to her
She recalls the time when they met and
Him claiming that he is not like other guys
And now, pools of remorse stream down her eyes
As she wonders where she went wrong…
All of sudden, he charges her, wringing his hands around her neck and ripping her clothes off her body until…

He rapes her…
And while she is kicking and screaming and no one hears her
He continues to unleash his rage and
So it seems as if the relationship has unraveled and has come of age
The last petal has finally fell from the rose that,
really didn’t have any roots to begin with
So she screams and screams and she punches and kicks until…

She gets away…
Out the door and down the steps, screaming, hoping that someone hears her cry,
However since the neighbors are used to the screaming of this “couple”
This time they turn a blind eye.
So she runs, not only for her safety, but also out of her mind.
And during every step, and every stride that she makes,
It only angers him, thinking to himself that she is making a big mistake.
And as she cuts the corner, thinking that she is finally free from his tyrannical grasp…

He catches her…
And she starts screaming and trying to escape
However he tells her to stop…
And stares at her….
And to her surprise, the same look of anger is not in his eyes,
But this time, it is a look of docility,
And this look has the ability
To give her the stability and support that she needed.
Because after all of her beckons for help
Someone made sure that it was heeded.
So he took her to safety, to refuge so that,
Her life can no longer in shambles due to the mental recluse and
She can move on to better beginnings….

And as I conclude, let me say that
A relationship, is a close special bond where,
Man and woman intertwine
Where the synergies of their world are truly divine.
So, when it is being tested, think about
How it has changed from its original ideology
And know when to leave when it evolves into tyranny

ME.....in only but so many words.

I am ...
A man
With a heavy heart, bathed in obscurity
Somewhere in an empty room ...
With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of winters grey;

I wonder ...
If love is a fable made for children
A enchantment of sweet dreams in their innocence
A honey-coating to help their throats
Choke down the bitter drought ...

I hear ...
A voice that whispers warnings, half-spoken,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
Another breath unless this ghastly figure be unmasked,
The lies mangled beneath my righteous tread;

I see ...
A man, proud, God fearing, uncompromising,
As sheer as air - less, even, than the tears
That fall in desolation about his weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ...

I want ...
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of loneliness which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that chuckles at pain;
I am
A man,
hidden ...

I pretend ...
That I can live forever,
That Time
Has no power but that which I afford Him
And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ...

I feel ...
Too much, yet too deeply to be without direction,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
Hold nothing of recognition, only my reflection
A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass;

I touch ...
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger;
Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self-defined ...

I worry ...
That I am alone; that in my longing
I have forsaken all, but what a reward,
What smile divine should light the path to freedom
And how can I but heed the siren's call?

I'm tired ...
For doing too much, without worrying about myself, for fear of bursting,
And then, when by the pouring of my soul
I lie, a vessel emptied, I think deeply again
Of when people would worry about me
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A man,
empty ...

I understand
That life is what you make it,
That sometimes, the facade of many colors
That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
To the loneliest of grey ...

I say
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken, perhaps unmade and voided
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
With only faith, with trust, to be reborn;

I dream
Of bluest waters, reaching
With unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ...

I try ...
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving has the power of a day, while
A gift of knowledge has the lifespan of forever;

I hope ...
That my darkness embraces you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
Wields nothing past the words it summons,
Except that it touch you with only healing ...
I am...what I can only be...ME

Destiny and Chaos Collide

There is constantly an option to make
When two paths amalgamate and life takes a break
For a split second, all possessions are one
As destiny and chaos collide once more

When two paths amalgamate and life takes a break
No one will presage to you that it is already too late
To change the path you have taken
As destiny and chaos collide once more

For a split second, all things are one
In that moment, you realize God will not be outdone
This place and time will no longer exist
As destiny and chaos collide once more

No one will warn you it is already too late
The first man and woman preserved your fate
Nothing can stop what was meant to be
As destiny and chaos collide once more

To change the path you have taken
The original spirit must reawaken
To be forsaken was never part of the master plan
As destiny and chaos collide once more

In that moment, you realize God will not be outdone
By now you apprehend that life is not a dry run
No second chances are cast iron
As destiny and chaos collide once more

This place and time will no longer exist
And mankind is summarily dismissed
For failing to exercise discipline and reproof
As destiny and chaos collide once more

The first man and woman sealed your fate
The choice is no longer yours to make
What you do now is fruit of the poisonous tree
As destiny and chaos collide once more

Nothing can stop what was meant to be
Two paths have merged into life’s potpourri
The world is filled with to much hate
As destiny and chaos collide once more

The original spirit must reawaken
Or those waiting for the ecstasy will not be taken
It will all be for not in the end
As destiny and chaos collide once more

To be forsaken was never part of the master plan
The time has come to take a stand
What you do now repeats the past of long ago
As destiny and chaos collide once more

By now you realize that life is not a dry run
What has been will always return
As it was in ancient times, so it will be
As destiny and chaos collide once more

No second chances are guaranteed
No end in sight, no need to proceed
Since all you know will be forgotten
As destiny and chaos collide once more

And mankind is summarily dismissed
Because he labors for vanity
His soul adrift in a sea of confusion
As destiny and chaos collide once more

My Struggle

I’m here to tell you guys a story. As a matter of fact it is more of a testimony.
About a time when the devil stole my joy.
When my muscles were too frail to smile
But I had to much pride to frown
This is my struggle

Picture a child whose third birthday is today.
One would think that this would be a happy time in a child’s life
However, this child is crying because his father ran out on him without saying good bye

Now picture this same child, nine years later watching TV as if it was a normal day…and then getting taken away from his mother, along with his 2 brothers in a blink of an eye…


Everyone has a struggle, a burden in their life, a time when you know everything was not right.
However this explains the first 14 years of my life.
But let me go backwards to go forward.
You see, I never knew who my father was,
He was never there
because he was a person, who tried to figure that he could plant his seed and run,
who lost out on a precious stone, leaving my Mom to take care of me on her own.
I never had the Christmas, Birthdays, or Easters that I wanted and I felt disowned.
Sure I got clothes and toys, but there was one thing missing,
a male figure who I can lean on, go to for advice and emulate my life on
Sure my Mom was here, but it wouldn’t be the same
We couldn't really throw around a football, play basketball, and play games,
I assumed he was ashamed
But Mom had other things to take care of, it was her duty, it was her STRUGGLE, to try and take care of me and my little brother Anthony.
One year my junior, and suffering from Cerebral Palsy, he was my idol.
Cuz he fights and fights everyday, cant talk can’t see, but we know he communicates. It was my Mom and I who raised him…..

Now let me take you to the time where in essence my life was thought to be over.
The struggle that my Mom faced was a burden on her physically, and mentally.
She now resorted to one thing, the white powder.
She would feed us good, then send us to bed, get the mirror and straw and take some to the head.
All when I was crying, because at 12 I knew what it was, but I didn’t know of how capable it was into changing my life.
I remember it like it was yesterday the exact date and time.
October 22, 1999 at 8:46pm forever changed my life. This night was the downfall of my life’s parabola that still had no apex. It started out as a normal Thursday night. I was watching “Smackdown” like I did every week, but little did I know that my life would be altered within the first hour of this two hour program.
My brothers and I were taken away from our mother,
Placed in a brown van and away to a foster home.
Who knew a normal day would turn out like this.
Words can’t explain how I felt when the woman knocked on the door, said those 13 words. Those words had me on the floor, saying why God why?. However there was a reason.

My two brothers, Anthony, then 11 and Kevin, then 2 were placed in foster care.
My youngest brother and me stayed with each other, while my younger brother was put in a clinic for disabled people.
NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FELT WITHIN THIS DURATION,

I wasn’t in any state of elation, as I endured constant frustration, because I knew that I could do something, but I didn’t know where I could start
Me and Kevin were placed in the house of a woman with a scar on her face who went by the name Maria.
She was a short portly woman who had a walk like a sick penguin She was nice and warm so I felt safe…little did I know I was dead wrong…

She treated us like slaves making us clean while they ate in their splendor. Eating cold food and sending us to school hungry, our stomachs growling.
I was a smart boy, and I knew that once a month, me and my brother would both receive checks, to spend on whatever we want.
However I never saw it benefit us, but benefit them.
My brother and me would receive Payless shoes,
While everyone in the family received Jordans.
They bought themselves clothes, and gave us hand-me-downs.
On Christmas they got toys and gifts, and we received the same excuse, “I had no more money” I thought to myself “ Why, Lord…why am I put through this. ME, your disciple, who said that they will stand by your side
God replied “All in due time son all in due time”

While in this time I decided not to drown my sorrows, but do something about it.
I’ve decided to get back at them the best way I could,
Which was by taking care of my brother and I myself, I wasn’t aware of the cards I was dealt….So I started dealing
Every night past my curfew I would steal the keys to the house and go sling…
Stay on a corner and see how much money people bring for these small bags with green in them
Risking my life every night....but for what I thought was a purpose
Now I was able to take care of my brother, but everyone in the family started to get suspicious,
They never found out however because I did something most weed sellers don’t.
I excelled in school…
Ranked third in my junior high school class..
I told the world to kiss my ass…because I did it without the help of those who turned their back on me

Three days after I graduated from junior high, God really came through for me.
My mom finally cleaned up her act, and took us back…which I was very elated.
Currently my Mom is 9 years clean.
Her mind is lean, and she now has a corporate job
she is my queen, because she stuck with it and persevered.
This taught me a lot, u never know what u had until its gone , and never take nothing for granted….For nothing is enchanted…..everything ranging from young to old….all that glitters is not gold….

I’ve been out through so much, and it has made me tough, teaching me how to be a diamond in the rough without the shine.
But the shine was always there I just had to do different things.
I’m not sorry for what I did
I did what I had to do.
When times were down and I was out I used what I had.

Now I can honestly say that I am blessed,
I’m in a state where nothing can bring me down
I am able to keep my head up all year round
I’m in college, not at the street corner
Going to class not jail
Carrying my books not paraphernalia
In organizations, NOT gangs
I proved to not be a failure, through the eyes of those who believe in me
So to everyone lost in his or her struggles, God has not forgotten you.
It is amazing how far praying can go
When God closes, a door He opens a window,
He has closed the door of one chapter of my life, and has now opened a window
This window is the window of opportunity
He has allowed me to live my life as I was supposed to live it.
God has gotten me through the trials and tribulations in my life….
Through the hoops of fire and the strife
Soon I can tell the world, the kids, and my future wife of my STRUGGLE.

Tribulations

He screamed at her…
While the look in her eyes was something of complete fear and
She backed away from his path slowly while his rage ensued
All the while he was getting mad and,
Flipping over the couch, because she was late preparing his food.
All that passes in her mind was,
Her girlfriends constantly telling her to watch his temper but
She was so deep in love; she thought she would get past all of that until…

He hit her…
With a closed fist and enough force that,
It caused her to be taken aback and
Remind her of the times of the fights between her mom and dad
How she would hide in the back room crying and screaming
Because mom also thought that he was the best friend she ever had…
Now she lies with a crimson fist print in her face and a single tear in her eye
Never in her life she thought that he would do this to her
She recalls the time when they met and
Him claiming that he is not like other guys
And now, pools of remorse stream down her eyes
As she wonders where she went wrong…
All of sudden, he charges her, wringing his hands around her neck and ripping her clothes off her body until…

He rapes her…
And while she is kicking and screaming and no one hears her
He continues to unleash his rage and
So it seems as if the relationship has unraveled and has come of age
The last petal has finally fell from the rose that,
really didn’t have any roots to begin with
So she screams and screams and she punches and kicks until…

She gets away…
Out the door and down the steps, screaming, hoping that someone hears her cry,
However since the neighbors are used to the screaming of this “couple”
This time they turn a blind eye.
So she runs, not only for her safety, but also out of her mind.
And during every step, and every stride that she makes,
It only angers him, thinking to himself that she is making a big mistake.
And as she cuts the corner, thinking that she is finally free from his tyrannical grasp…

He catches her…
And she starts screaming and trying to escape
However he tells her to stop…
And stares at her….
And to her surprise, the same look of anger is not in his eyes,
But this time, it is a look of docility,
And this look has the ability
To give her the stability and support that she needed.
Because after all of her beckons for help
Someone made sure that it was heeded.
So he took her to safety, to refuge so that,
Her life can no longer in shambles due to the mental recluse and
She can move on to better beginnings….

And as I conclude, let me say that
A relationship, is a close special bond where,
Man and woman intertwine
Where the synergies of their world are truly divine.
So, when it is being tested, think about
How it has changed from its original ideology
And know when to leave when it evolves into tyranny.

The Politics of Sports

What's going on with sports today. We currently live in what I like to call the dark era
Of sports. An era in which we hear more about steroids, ejections, sex scandels and dog-
Fighting, the any homerun, 3 pointer, or touchdown. What I don't understand is the "punish-
Ment" that these players receive. We already know that athletes and celbrities already get
The best of the law (although sports memoribilia companies enslave women to make their
Products But nt one talks about that) some of the punishment for players is insane.
I would first like To touch football.

As we all know, Michael Vick, former qb of the atlanta falcons was convicted of criminal
Charges of dogfighting and received almost 2 years in jail. Not only that, he name has
Been tarnished by the media and his credibility has been a facade of what it was when he
Was scoring touchdowns. He allowed someone who didn't have his best inteeest in mind,
Affect his future.

Now, let's talk about Donte Stallworth, WR of the Cleveland Browns. This man consumes
Alochol to the point where he bac is above the legal limit, drives and kills a person.
In comparison to vick, the ball was in his court, he couldve done other methods to prevent
The death. Vick did the dogfighting for money, stallworth was just drunk. He struck and
Killed a man...KILLED!! His sentence...30 days, house arrest and an indefinite suspension.
Stallworth was also spared of the media thrashing of his name....

Does anyone see what is wrong here??? You would kill a man and get a lesser sentence than
A man who contributed in dogfighting. Nonthelkess if each man wasn't famous they wouldve
Had more stricter sentwnces. However I think the NFL shouldve not be lenient to the
Stallworth incident. He killed a man, and inevitably will still play in the NFL, but no
One really knew the timeline of when or if Vick was coming back.this is one instance
Where politics do play a role in sport.

I'm going to make this a series of blogs...stay tuned for my part 2 of this, when I talk
About the steroid era in baseball..

Satiation

We all see homeless people and bums out on the street. Although we feel for them or sometimes wince at their stench or even talk about them, have you ever had the chance to think about how they got there....

Can I have some more?
Can you spare a dime?
Yeah you can walk past me, and its fine
But have you ever took the time, to look past the grime
To question the reason why I am homeless?
The reasons why my satiation has yet to be filled
And why I still have the urge to beg you?

Yes, I’m human just like you, 
And although the clothes and stench may have you fooled 
The truth is that I was ONCE in your shoes
But do you have any idea of how it feels to have everything taken away from you?
Blessed to have a family and a job,
To come home to a home cooked meal and alleviate my child’s sobs…
To hear the stories of my family’s day,
The 100 on the spelling test and the game winning catch at the little league game
The raise received at work, and the cries of my daughter who can’t find a date yet for the prom
Thought life couldn’t get any better
Until that fateful day when it happened to me
On March 28th 1993
My family was in the wrong place at the wrong time
Succumbed to wounds of a collision
And no they weren’t under my provision
Because it was under my suspicion 
That once 6pm Friday hit….something was wrong
I found out my family was gone………and I lost it

I LOST IT ALL!!!!
My family, my life…..my mind…..everything
After my release from the asylum, my lease was up, my job was too….and my belongings belonged to someone else….
So I began bathing in a nearby pond, 
Eating food at places that I wasn’t too fond 
And trying to receive clothes from nearby charity bonds
And seeing people slowly abscond 
Just to remain afloat
But see, when you have nothing in your possession
And no support to lean on, 
The possibilities of a second chance is remote 
So, Mr. Gates, can YOU spare a dime, although you have trillions
And can You Mr. Athlete help out a fan, although you have millions……I THOUGHT SO
Ostracized by society because I didn’t meet the societal norm
And I truly have seen how my education didn’t mean SHIT…if you can’t walk in an interview without a pressed suit. 
I really thought things would get better
Save for my only possessions…..$10.00, a Metrocard, a pair of jeans and this blue sweater

So….once again…have you thought about how I’m feeling right now
How I am surviving, how I maintain, how I’m just getting by
This dollar has meant more to me than ever before
And IM TIRED of being turned around by closed doors 
Running from place to place for satiation in the winter
If you were me, you would never take anything for granted
Because although the life that you live may be enchanted
Even Cinderella’s coach turned back into a pumpkin
No I’m not like this because I’m lazy, 
Nor do I say all of this because I’m crazy
But because my future seems hazy….
In these streets, taking it day by day.
No one to help me and falling asleep to the rattling sounds of
The change that is in my cup
But…..until that times comes, 
Where God can see my full potential, and I can live just fine….

Can I get some more?......Can you spare a dime?

I wonder

Have you ever gotten out of a situation or a relationship, and later on down the road thought to yourself "What if I was still with that person??" Well this poem stresses that 

So as I sit back pondering over the idiosyncrasies of the life that is mine
I often wonder “What if she WAS there?”
What if she never released her underlying grasp, still being the luminary in the blue on which I fancy?
Would life have become more qualitative of the quantitative sort?
Or would it have whittled away aimlessly like the minute sands in the hour glass?
So as you can see, the effect she had on me was profound

Hence as I contemplate, and as my thoughts blemish the sheet which I am scribing with my feelings, thoughts and desires
Time passes and as she is no longer in my presence, I am no longer entranced by her physical appearance
Nevertheless, she crosses the intersection of my cerebellum enabling my mind to go through a mental traffic jam
The cars symbolizing my feelings towards her and the traffic lights symbolizing the pessimistic synergies that have been assembled over the time that we have known each other
In this case they are continuously on red
So I speculate, “Would it ever be the same?”

Would we ever have the same compatibility as we used to?
Or will we disconnect like dawn and dusk?
This is the question that I must answer in the quest for content 
Was this the one that got away?
The one who fulfilled my ego 
And conquered the mellow meekness of my soul…
If so, then my pursuit for completeness continues in its longevity
Searching for one who possesses the 3-dimensional harmony of looks, intellect, and personality
If not, then perhaps it was in our destiny that our paths become intertwined
Hers mixed with mine becoming a force.
And as I sit, and this sheet is now stained with my thoughts
I’m hoping that a symbol would present itself with the next step 
But until then, these idiosyncrasies would just have to remain unsolved...

There She Goes

Here is a poem that I wrote called "There She Goes". This just talks about mustering up the energy and the courage to finally introduce yourself to her. 

Mmm…Mmm…MMM….DAMN she is fine!! 

Once again she crosses my path and my mind and
My heart swells up with the feelings that
Only I and God know

So as I see her walk on by I
Wallow away in the distance and
Thoughts begin to cross my mind of
How it might be if we were together

I think of drifting away with her alone with, 
Only us and the elements as our audience
I think of holding her petite body
And as I smell her aromatic fragrance 
I clutch to her like women clutch handbags 
I think of our bodies intertwining and 
The sound of her breathing and moaning as our soundtrack 
Then I think about the long nights I spend just
Enriched in conversation while looking into those stunning eyes and 
To no surprise I realize she may be the one 

Na …she’s more than just a pretty face and smile
Not poison but a hypnotic serum 
That is potent enough to send my mind into a frenzy in an instant and 
Have me tripping over my words like an infant

I start to wonder of the reasons why I feel this way. 
Is it because I know that I can be the Nubian King to her Queen 
Or is it her lips, her hips or her attitude that
Seem to keep me transfixed as if I need a fix 
To quell the addiction that I can’t fix

So I sit here… 
And ponder to myself that
Maybe I should introduce myself or
Make it known that I exist

I can see it now…
Today will be the day that, 
I sweep her off her feet like 
Prince Charming did to Snow White or 
Dad did to Mom or 
She did to me…
Yea I know….she doesn’t know yet so 
It’s up to me to break the ice with 
A toothpick as my only weapon
And her beauty as my motivation 

I want to take it one step at a time but 
The first step is like walking on glass barefoot

So I take one gulp and make my move in her direction, slowly so 
She doesn’t notice I have been watching her every move and
I can start it off with small talk to 
Chip away at the ice. 
How’s my breath… cool. 
I start to approach and say hi but...


Damn…..there she goes.