Ashes from a withering rose,
flow out the card you gave me years ago...
But with all that time passing, it hasn't lessened the sorrow.
The agony begun, to out weigh my ecstasy.
While I punish myself with reliving the fantasy.
Reliving all we were supposed to be.
Back when it was all good,
Back when you treated me the way a man should...
Go back, I wish I could.
Before the love was tainted,
Before our hearts knew what our brains meant.
When my heart could hardly contain it.
I don't understand when you were saying...
That I needed a break
That maybe saying I love you so early was a mistake
As the law of diminishing returns became increasingly noticeable,
with every utterance of "I love you too"
Good love changes you,
the smallest taste challenges you to get better for your future.
But I started to wonder if instead of getting better I became stagnant.
As I realized that the more you love you
Is a direct correlation of how I love you,
But its magnitude had a fragment
A missing piece to the portrait that separated an insufficient work from a Maltese
I became confused...
As I realized that it wasn't me...it was you..
It was me,
Who gave you all the pieces.
It was me who always took you back...
It was me who believed in you.
It was always me.
Always me.
So what's so different?
What happened? How?
I wonder what your doing now?
Were those answers even worth it?
Like those answers will make the scales tip;
Past the point of no return,
Somewhere around non existent.
That's where our love went...
This time it's different.
I need your consent.
Was it misguided fate?
Was it listening to my single friends who made the same mistake?
Or was it my need to spread my wings,
because I wanted to make it official after two dates?
But somewhere the straight path had a fork in the road as I veered into the road often traveled by infidels who don't wish to commit.
And now I run the risk of being placed in the folder that's filed in your mind,
labeled "past niggas who ain't shit"
As I wonder what went wrong I want to ensure that this decision...you.. me...us...
Is one that I can truly trust, and know that our paths were meant to intertwine.
And although I want to take a break,
one thing I do know is I cannot stand to envision you in someone elses arms that are not mine
And then it hit me...
You can't have it all.
Our inevitable destruction, you can't stall.
Because you chose to step back, instead of taking the fall.
Our internal clocks began to count away our time left together.
The road got rough, we couldn't whether the weather.
And now faced with being alone, you propose a break; how clever.
You listened to your friends, conformed to their views.
You're not even sure what you want, still so confused.
You've lost sight of what's true...
It hurts worse because you're unsure, when I'm so certain.
The shows over, final act, close the curtain.
All our "I love yous" hit the dirt when...
My emotional explosives began to implode,
Shattered my being, my psyche, my soul.
Pain begets more pain, and takes its toll.
You broke me...
I'm not proud of it...
As I realize that the reason I'm so remiss
Is because of the constant thoughts in my head saying to me "she's too good for you"
The vision of someone that has what I don't doing things that I can't and sweeping you off of your feet as it has happened to me thrice before
I was tired of accepting defeat and I let my past hold the pen to our future.
You signed our fate,
A decision I didn't get to partake.
Yet I can't bring myself to walk away.
What if this is the one mistake were not meant to make?
The fear of the unknown makes my heart quake.
Do you realize what's at stake?
The future of my love life is pending,
All rests on the hope of us not ending.
But that's been the problem from the beginning...
In us becoming one, I became a half.
The half that is codependent on your laugh,
Felt like I needed you to complete the simplest task...
That isn't love,
This can't be love,
Haven't realized; been too afraid to judge.
We both know what we should do...
Are we through?
We can make this right
Anything worth having is worth the fight
And your right, I should've followed my heart from day one..
Its just I'm so used to losing...I didn't realize I already won..
You needed space, so I gave it to you
But I'm not sure, the space we can work through.
How can I be true to myself, but also true to you?
A little too late?
Can you mend my heart, after it was you who caused it to break?
I hope so, for heaven's sake.
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