Humble Beginnings

Contrary to what you may see and believe…I come from humble beginnings
My life hasn’t always been flowers growing and birds singing
But more of a trying upbringing, filled with tears and broken promises
“Whats humble?”
I will gladly tell you
Humble
Is growing up in a house with 3 people, and having only enough money to make one meal a week and make it last… praying that the cornbread rises because we couldn’t afford eggs to put in the recipe…because that was what was left until the WIC check came in
Humble
Is being taken away from my parents, and placed into custody of someone who made my life a living hell
Humble
Is wearing hand me down clothing that was a couple sizes too small, because your foster mother spends your check elsewhere.
Humble
Is choosing the option of selling drugs to put money in my pocket so that I can provide for my little brother because that was the ONLY way you was gonna get money.
Humble
Was being able to muscle a smile through the pain, while holding false hope as we thought this situation would never cease
Humble
Is crying myself to sleep hoping that each day would get better
Humble
Was getting through it alone, just me and God
No one to talk to…
No one to confide in…
No one to trust…
Because everyone thought I was crazy because she was a “nice lady”
Humble
Is being able to swallow the bullshit and take the punches as they were given.
I look at my life now…
And I think of where I came from
And while I can proclaim how blessed I am, I can lose everything in a heartbeat
So I take life one day at a time, while constantly thinking of my humble beginnings.

Old Flame Emotion

Have you ever thought about an ex?

Or even have an ex as a friend?







My feelings are all over the place

Even more as the day progress

Trying to figure out this conundrum

That drifts back to a romance blossom,



An old flame, from a wilted candle

Ancient emotion has risen into temptation

Wrapped me up in a silent vow

And makes me forget here and now,



Despite all the hurry all around

Little details sit idly in my mind

Chaining the time inside

While the world spinning outside,



Both love and lust, pulses through my soul

Reigniting the past, getting those sparks to roll

Invading ability of thoughts to conform

Dragging them over a huge brainstorm.



.

Elevators

The elevator of life



Elevators

A convenient way

To reach our destination.



The elevator of life however

Is not as convenient or simple

As up is down the path of delusion,

And down looks up toward awareness.

The open door button is the negativity that you let into your life,

Thus ruining the insides

The close door button represents your pride,

How you wouldn’t let everyone see through you at risk of being seen as vulnerable

So as you see someone running trying to catch your life’s elevator

You close the door….



And sometimes your elevator breaks down

But you refuse to take the stairs because you realize that they do not possess that adamantine luster

Because you was mystified in thinking that it was crystal.

As much as we hope that our elevators are different…..realize that they are all going in the same direction

Some go up, some down, some start at the ground floor and some….start at the basement

But just like in life, an elevator doesn’t stay down…..something or someone wants it to go up



So as we accept the journey of the ups and downs that is our life,

The elevator finally stops.

Capturing serenity through balance.

She

She…

Is a beautiful black woman who knows what she wants out of life

A beautiful head upon positive shoulders

A sister, friend, aunt and inevitably…a wife

That is what she is



She…

Is constantly physically and even metaphorically portrayed as a,

Scantily clad façade of pride who is only appreciated more, when she takes off less

When approached my men, she knows they are thinking about how she looks under that dress

Because of her coke bottle figure and her perky breasts

Under constant duress because the media made her this way

Made her to feel as if she isn’t a person, but an object

Because of porn videos, music videos and reality TV.

And to her dismay whatever reputation she has established,

Would demolish at the mere sound of “make it rain trick"



She…

Is constantly reminded that she is not beautiful

Because every ad, tv show, movie, and magazine portrays what society considers beauty

Has truly taken away from the true denotation of the word

Sex sells and those with a nice body, make the most commission

So it is her mission to get like those women on TV



…But it isn’t what she….looks like



So she starts dieting, and working out,

Wearing make- up and changing her wardrobe,

because of what the media has etched in her head…

Wearing lip gloss and eye liner to bed, JUST so she can look good in the morning



She isn’t she….anymore



She…

Is now a mere shadow of what she used to be

She… has allowed herself to fall victim to the “Barbie”, Top Model and “Maybe it’s Maybelline” America

She...would now rather listen and pay more attention to Nicki Minaj, than Nikki Giovanni

Now a pawn in life’s game of chess and the mover of the pieces is society

She…has now taken on a new identity to conform to the “formalities” that the media has deemed “current”

She…has forgotten where she has come from

And although her parents brought her up right…even she….couldn’t escape…..

.

Tribulations of Life

In this dog-eat-dog world that surrounds us

We sometimes brake down and fall

We try too hard to satiate the approval of all

And sometimes we feel that those who stand above us

Can make us seem unimportant and small

So we begin to tremble under the weight of the problems that,

like a paperweight, holds us down



We maintain a smile on the outside but that smile is really a concealer to our frowns

And when we start to collapse there seems to be no one around

So you feel as if you are alone…as if you knocked a tree over...and no one hear its sound

So, we’ll hide away in corners

Put upon ourselves pain

Walking thru life’s thunderstorm without anything to guard us from the rain

Realize that although the way you feel towards those idiosyncrasies of your life are of disdain

No one is immune to the trials we face in life… we all must suffer the same



So although we may struggle

And yes we sometimes slip and fall

Just know that I’ll stand by your side

I’ll stay with you through it all

And if while riding the wheels of life you feel yourself tremble

Or even brake down to the point where your feet are scraping the ground

I’m your shoulder to cry on, your spare tire, there to pick you up

And I’ll always be around



Yes, We all have our faults

Our valleys, our hills, ups and our downs

We cant always smile all the time

Everyone has to go through their fair share of frowns

No, no ones perfect

And no one is the same

We’re in this world together

And although in distinct levels, we are all playing the same game

We try to fight in this world the best way we could,

but it always seems to be on the mode to attack

Sometimes we’re not strong enough though

or we feel that are too many things we lack

But realize that although it seems as if you are in a corner, and everyone seems to turn its back

This minor setback is just a setup for a great comeback



If we stick together through thick and thin

No matter whats to come

With faith and trust in our Lord and Savior

Anything in His will can be done

Trust, we all get those bad times

Those times where all is lost



But giving up on your passions would just be at a greater cost

Each and every one of us goes through a part in our lives that is tough

But I promise it will get better..just don’t you ever give up


But when you feel like you want too

just please remember this

One can die at any time…

Without anything else to give

But it takes a strong person to keep their head up, keep the faith....and live

Scars

I’m sick and tired…..

Of people staring at me as if I have a red stain on my white shirt and not in my eye in respect

But what can you expect when you have visible scars?

When the first thing people do among first glance…is stare at your forehead…

My first impression is to question your maturity,

but what gives me the authority to not act normally

When what is just a blemish is now my biggest insecurity.

Oh how I wish these were just hidden in obscurity

And I can erase that accident and the effects of it away from me



But….more than ever I realize that now….these scars…..are part of my identity

A visual testimony...

Of strength

Of God working to prove..that I am not done yet….

So….continue to stare….continue to question

Yea….to me it is more of a personal transgression

But your minute obsession and facial expression as you try to process the congestion of marks on my skull….flatters me

Because what you may consider as an imperfection

I see….as a blessing

Why

Why?



I sit here

Pondering, thinking to myself

Why?

Yes…that is a vague question and a

Satirical subject with a plethora of predicates

So how would one go about answering this type of question?

I will try and I won’t be too delicate



Why?

Do we live in a society where our role models are those who speak false truths

Modern day coons, who instead of wearing black face have tattoos…

Who would rather shuck and jive, turn their swag on with their sagged skinny jeans

In videos with women whom we all would want in our wildest dreams

Then speak the truth

Why…do artists like Nas and Wyclef who actually speak about the translucent truths

Do not sell records while the ones that are….are just saying empty words



Why?

Do we focus more on the “realities” of TV as way to escape our personal reality

How the water cooler discussion is about Darwin and Melanie and not about “How is your family?”

When in all actuality, the real true tragedy is that we face, are hidden by images of

A celebrity getting married or the latest Jersey Shore fight



Why?

Do more people apply to be on shows like American Idol and The Real World,

Than apply for colleges where they can utilize their talents for the real world?



Why?

Do we use our fingers to speak our mind?

Trying to get a point across by use of a text and we assume that these messages would convey the emotion…..of a voice

And although we have a choice, we choose what is convenient

Maybe I’m being too lenient

But why should we get upset over a 40 character message that truly has no meaning?



Why?

Do we live in a world where we spend beyond our means?

Where one faces the dilemma of paying their rent, or buying these jeans

Paying their phone, or buying these foams

Why must you sacrifice things that you need

On something that you will not use everyday?





Yes….What I am writing is just words on paper with no true meaning

And words do not mean a thing unless there is some action

But it doesn’t mean that I will allow myself to let the mainstream be a distraction

To let them dig their feet and leave traction in my skin

Yes my words are powerless

But hey, someone had to begin



Yes, even I have done some of these things,

I am not a perfect guy

But have ever sat back and truly looked at some of the things you do and ask yourself




Why??

Mindset

Marching onward and searching forward
As I look toward the future while dwelling on the past,
I realize that it is hard to think about the future
When you still retain remnants from the fallen sands in the hourglass
I constantly think about what this life has to give and already given to me
I try to conquer all obstacles, missed opportunities and endless possibilities that make it hard to live.
And I realize that God will is in my corner and I can handle all burdens that my life gives.
The obstacles we dodge in life, so harsh they can be,
they're set before us every day and can transform any dream into a reality
Does anyone ever accomplish what they set out to do?
I feel like I have but more is left to the imagination which hopes to be true.
I know that my time here is limited and obstacles with continue to be placed in my path are here indeed,
but I will continue to live my life, under Gods will, in hopes that I succeed

Scars

I’m sick and tired…..
Of people staring at me as if I have a red stain on my white shirt and not in my eye in respect
But what can you expect when you have visible scars?
When the first thing people do among first glance…is stare at your forehead…
My first impression is to question your maturity,
but what gives me the authority to not act normally
When what is just a blemish is now my biggest insecurity.
Oh how I wish these were just hidden in obscurity
And I can erase that accident and the effects of it away from me

But….more than ever I realize that now….these scars…..are part of my identity
A visual testimony...
Of strength
Of God working to prove..that I am not done yet….
So….continue to stare….continue to question
Yea….to me it is more of a personal transgression
But your minute obsession and facial expression as you try to process the congestion of marks on my skull….flatters me
Because what you may consider as an imperfection
I see….as a blessing